Sabtu, 22 Januari 2011

BINGO and then GAME OVER!!

Finally.. I realized the truth. After all the things happen, after all one-side relationship, after all the ignorance, after all the questions and doubts. And my feeling and intuition actually right. Bingo!! Finally, you confes this by your self “You are just not that into me L  GAME OVER!! it’s hurt… when I know the fact, but I must accept that. What else I must do? I wouldn’t being a”clingy” girl or stalker who will keep being persistent and denial the truth. No.. Nope.. I’ll never be that kind of person. I’m not as low as them. 

Actually, I be so free. knowing the truth just like all the burden inside me is gone. No more question. No more doubt. No more ignorance. No more more one side relationship. I don’t want to keep an asking why, but still I’ve questions. BIG QUESTION “why you ever told me that you love me when you are still not sure about your own feeling? Why you said to me about future and serious things, about future, marriage, etc when you are not sure about our future? Now, all that craps seems just like a non sense, just a bulshitt!! Sorry, if it’s seems to harsh to says that everything you do, everything you said was a bulshitt. but that’s what I’m thinking about that now. Just a fake.You are the one who started this relationship, but you are the one who broke this? Why you are by yourself who hurt me more than ever since you are already know how was my past, my experiences, my trauma, my fears, my heart fragileness? Why you lie to me since you already know how is my feeling and hate about lie and liar? Why you do this to me since I already think of you as my best friend? Why you sold our years friendship just for a fakeness? Do you just gambling? Lying? Or worse, just playing? Fake Status? Fake Love? Poker face? You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?

Oh God, I don’t wanna hate you. I don’t wanna fight with you. I don’t wanna have negative thinking, hate, anger and revenge. I always want to have positive thinking about anything. I love myself so much. So, i don’t wanna to poison my self with such things like ange, negative thinking, hate and revenge. I want to forgive, because forgiveness is the best medicine for all or heartache.

But still, I’m just an ordinary human. Who have a heart. And my heart don’t made from ice or hard rock. I could hurt, sad and anger. When you hurt others, that’s just like you put a nail into the wood. Even you already take out that nail, there’s still have a hole who will stay there forever.  Same thing happen when you hurt others. Even we already ask for forgiveness, even thy already forgive you, even there’s no more anger and hate. But the wound and the scars still there. It will take a time, a lot of time to cure it. And for few cases, that wounds and scars still there for a very long time. For some person, It leaves a trauma. But don’t worry, I’m not that weak. Yes, I’m hurt and sad. And yes, that will need times to cure it. But I’ll be alright. I’m strong enough.

Because I love my life. And I wouldn’t ruin it just because of heartache and hate. And now, keep walking, moving and flying Erry. Because you are beautifull just the way you are. Because you are beautiful in every single way. What could bring you down? Ho3x :D Semangat!!

Rehab - Rihanna

Baby baby
When we first met I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
And now I feel like....oh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept (?)
You'd do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
I gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

Balikpapan, January 21th 2011

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