Selasa, 25 Agustus 2009

What a friend is

i like weekend. since i could doing nothing, just stay at my room all day. i just sleep, read, chatt and watch dvd all day. A lazzy day. But, in a day like this i feel loneliness. life outside my hometown and being a part from everything and everyones you likes could drive me crazy sometimes. a little bit lonely, being bored and homesick. this is not the first time i lived far from my family. my job made me worked anywhere in indonesia for a long time. maybe it looks interesting for others people. since we could see a new place, new people, new thing that you never see before. i thought like that too at first. but after years, it makes me sick. 

always move from one place to the others. always meet new people, but no longer after that we are being a part. makes new friends, but after the times you move on. we couldn't meet again and your relationship and friendship being over. i knew so many people. but i knew nothing about them. i mean nothing for them. just a short term relationship. a short friendship. it's the consequences of my job? i don't know exactly.
I'm wondering what a friend is. being together just because our job need it? just because we live in same place? just because we have same interest? or just because you don't want to be lonely? or because so many aspect.
i ever had someone who i used to called "close friend". i thought about her just like my family, my sister. i told her what i feel, what i think and even my secret, my fear. i think we are close enough. But after several years, we are being a part. we can't meet each others frequently just like before. And you know what happen? now we just like stranger. even at her marriages, she not invite me, even just by a single sms. eventhought she invited my others friends. Even, she not reply my sms when i congratulate her. and she not pick up my phone. it little bit uncomfortable. i felt just like i was being abandon. being betrayed. It's hurt to be abandoned and forgotten by someone who you always called "friend". a little bit lonely. Really dissapointed.
and for the other case, i was falling in love with one of my friend. even we are never see each other for a long time. i just felt comfort when i spoke with him. i just felt different when i remembered about him. but after the times, i was being rejected by him. hahaha. But that's ok. i still could laugh and life happily. That's not the point. The point is being rejected by a man who you love not as hurt as being abandoned and forgotten by someone who you called friend.

i'm wondering what a friend is. what's meaning of friendship. everything being abstract in my mind. i'm wondering whether i really have true friend or not. I couldn't asked others. i couldn't asked "the dancing grass" (just like in Ebiet G Ade Song). Times will give me the answer. Everything i need is just life the way i am. life must go on. Through the sickness, hurt, happiness, sadness and everything. eventhough i stll have one hope. that sometimes, i could find someone who i could believed and share with for the rest of my life. it could be called 'a true friend, love or soul mate

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